October 5, 2012

Day 5: The Bear Outside Your Door

By nature, I am a worrier. Now, add a baby or two in my belly and those worries are going to multiply. TJ used to tease me as I would worry about the worst case scenario, etc.etc. and he would say, Honey, there could be a bear outside your door right now, just waiting to attack. (I have an irrational fear of bears, by the way. I mean, they are SO big. Grizzly bears? Don't get me started.) Anyways, he would say:It's not likely, but it could happen. Does that mean you will never leave the house? Never go outside?

That would usually calm me down momentarily and remind me to stop dreaming up worst case scenarios. After all, the bear is most likely not outside my door. Right? That is, until of course, the metaphorical grizzly bear showed up outside our door and demolished life as we knew it into millions of pieces.

When I think about worry, I affectionately remember my late Grandma Lucy, and stories my sweet Grandpa Jack fondly tells me about her. He says that she worried about everyone, and that she felt if she worried it, it wasn't likely to happen. (Grandpa, a loyal blog follower I might add, please correct me if I am not telling that correctly!)

When I heard that, it struck a chord with me. Is that why I worry? Is it because if I think about the worst case scenario, it won't come to be? Obviously, I worried myself crazy while pregnant with the twins, and that didn't stop the unthinkable from happening. With Kate, I made every effort not to worry, to keep things calm, to trust. And, the worst happened anyway.

Grandpa says if you can't control it, don't worry about it. So simple, so wise. So difficult to do.

My take away: you cannot bargain with worry. Recognize the things you can control, and those beyond your control. Focus on those you can, and cast away those you can't. Oh, friends, we know this is so much easier said than done. I am not cured of my worrying tendencies. I have to be intentional in staying in the present and not getting too ahead of myself. Through trials and through miracles, it has become abundantly clear to me that I am not in control. As much as I wish I could, I cannot will events to be. So, I'm left to live my life the best I can, enjoy the moments I have, and try not to worry about the rest.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change those that. Can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

1 comment:

In This Wonderful Life said...

worry is one thing I've definitely had to let go of! Well, I suppose it's an on-going process! I think I've gotten better because I know so much I can't control.

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