November 10, 2011

Heaven is for Real

Tomorrow is my due date.

Tomorrow is the day I planned for, hoped for, dreamed for. Tomorrow is the day I learned about in the doctor's office that very first visit. My journey with our children began almost exactly 40 weeks ago. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

Where do I even begin? I'll probably have to save a lot of what's inside until tomorrow. It's just too much to let it all out at once.

Let's start with today. Today I am so incredibly humbled. I have received cards, texts,e-mails, phone calls, and hugs that have warmed by broken heart. I have been moved to tears by so many of you who have reached out to me and shared that our story matters. Our babies matter. I am in complete awe of the way you have been moved to release balloons tomorrow for our sons. I have tried to find the words to say, but all I can say is, thank you.
A special friend gave this thoughtful gift to me today:
Have you read this book? I devoured it in one sitting this summer. If you need some inspiration, faith renewal, or strength, please read it. In a nutshell it is the true story of a little boy, Colton, who almost died, went to Heaven, then came back to live and tell about it. He described, in such beautiful detail what Heaven was like. The most touching part that gave me goosebumps was when he talked about his big sister and how he met her in Heaven. His parents had suffered through a devastating miscarriage before Colton was born. They had never told Colton about his big sister in Heaven, and how he was a miracle in their lives after they had lost her. It's incredible and such a gift that he was able to meet her that way.

I didn't know this book was available for kids which is the version my wonderful friend gave me. I now have goosebumps thinking about reading this book to Elijah and Michael's younger siblings, telling them all about their brothers, and how they are watching over us all in Heaven. This book is so special to me in so many ways and I am very grateful to my friend who gave it to me in comfort and remembrance of our babies.

Another sweet friend gave me a hug today and as my eyes welled up with tears she said, "Think about how lucky they are. They never have to feel any pain like we feel on Earth. I don't know why you're feeling it right now,and I'm so sorry you are, but they will never have to feel such sadness." I had never thought about that. I would very much rather have them here on Earth and would give absolutely anything to make that possible. It does make me smile, however, to know that while they are not in my arms, they will never have to feel anything but the deepest love. I only wish it was possible for them to be in my arms to feel that love.

Finally, I made it home and this was sitting in the mailbox from my wonderful sister:

There just aren't words to say. Thank you for continuing to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We need them. Thank you for reaching out to show your love, support and encouragement. We cherish them. Please keep our boys fresh in your minds and hearts tomorrow. If you are planning on releasing balloons or if you feel moved to do anything else to celebrate their life and legacy, I would be so honored.
Here's what we're planning to do tomorrow to honor Eli and Michael. Stay tuned and I pray that God gives us the strength to face tomorrow.


Annie said...

Wishing you lots of love today. You have a huge support group behind yall!

Emily said...

I am a new follower, over from Annie's blog. I am so sorry to hear about this and your loss. I do love the way your friend thought about it though- they will look over you and always have the deepest love and never have to endure sadness, scaredness, or anything many people have to deal with on a daily basis. God knows the plan, although we don't always know it right away! You're in my thoughts today xo.

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