What Makes a Mother?

After we lost our twins, it became painfully and abundantly clear that so many others had also experienced the devastation of losing a child. People I barely knew, friends, and complete strangers reached out and shared their own experiences of loss. Each a different story with the same, heartbreaking ending. Each a mother and father with empty arms.

At first, I found this to be incredibly alarming. At times, it seemed as though it were impossible to actually conceive, carry and bring your baby home from the hospital. The thought of a subsequent pregnancy was (and is) completely terrifying, for that innocence of pregnancy is lost. I don't know why, but I always assumed that getting pregnant was the hardest part. Once you became pregnant, you magically floated through a perfect nine months, followed by a perfect delivery and a beautiful baby to bring home to your world. This happens every day, right? This can still happen for me. For us. I know this. But, it doesn't mean that the next time around I won't be on pins and needles until I have my healthy baby in.my.arms.

I have found a surprising amount of comfort in knowing that I am not alone. That I am not the first to experience this heartache. That many, many others have gone on to continue to rebuild their families after enduring such a loss. In the mean time, I have found many support groups where mommies wrote words that spoke directly to my aching heart.  This poem is a perfect example. My arms ache to hold our twins. I know that there will come a day when I will. Until then, I know they're watching over us and we will do our best to make them proud every day here on Earth.

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes.

And prayed to God today.

I asked what makes a mother and

I know I heard him say,

A mother has a baby.

This we know is true.

But God, can you be a mother

when your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied

with confidence in His voice.

I give many women babies.

When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime

and others for a day.

And some I send to feel your womb

but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this. God,

I want my baby here.

He took a breath and cleared His throat

and then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you

what your child is doing today.

If you could see your child smile

with other children and say,

"We go to earth to learn our lessons

of life and love and fear.

My Mommy loved me, Oh so much,

I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom

who had so much love for me,

I learned my lesson very quickly.

My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy, Oh so much,

but I visit her each day.

When she goes to sleep,

on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek

and whisper in her ear,

'Mommy don't be sad today,

I'm your baby and I'm here.'"

So you see, my dear sweet one,

your children are okay.

Your babies are here in MY home

and this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with ME

until your lesson is through.

And on the day that you come home,

they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother

It's the feeling in your heart.

It's the love you had so much of,

right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,

until their time is done.

They'll be up here with ME one day,

and know you're the best one.