Straight to my Heart

Tonight, I was going to blog about Christmas decorations. I went around and snapped pictures of all of our festive decor and our Clark Griswold tree. I will get to that post soon. Instead, I found myself immersed in a project I had put off for some time. See, my sister did something unbelievably thoughtful and touching just days after we lost Elijah and Michael. She gathered the words of encouragement of all of our closest friends and family who could not {but wished they could} be with us. She put together this board, which I showed in my post about reminders.
I completely fell apart when I walked in the door and saw this board. I read all of the heartfelt and loving messages, and they meant so much to me at the time, and still do. But, I was still in shock. My mind, body and heart were numb and while I kept this board out for months, I couldn't go back and read the messages.

That brings me to tonight. I wanted to, and have wanted to for some time, put these sweet hearts into a scrapbook so I could keep it, gain inspiration from it, just know that it's there, I don't know. I just knew I wanted to preserve it some how. Tonight, I read back through the messages again. Cue the waterworks, please. Why I thought I'd be able to simply glance at them and put them into the scrapbook without any trouble, I don't know. Obviously that didn't happen. I'm glad I read them. Now, six months later, I am not only touched by the words, but I am encouraged by them.

So many of our family and friends couldn't find the words to say, so they included a verse, quote or saying to encourage us. I wanted to share just a few that were particularly touching.

They say there is a reason

They say that time will heal,

But neither time nor reason

Will change the way I feel.

For no one knows the heartache,

That lies behind our smiles.

No one knows how many times

We have broken down and cried.

I want to tell you something

So there won't be any doubt

You're so wonderful to think of

But so hard to be without.

A child, born or unborn is a magical creature, a love that is born and not found. They are the true essence of everything that is good and divine. You need not hold a child in your arms to want to protect them. You need not look at them to know you love them. And you need not birthed them to feel the loss when they are gone. In life we have a certain order. We are born,we grow, our parents die and our children grow. When that order is upset, our world comes crashing down. Cry, mourn your loss. You have lost something dear, you have lost a child. Something no mother should have to endure but sometimes must. You will love this child as you would any child you bear that grows to adulthood and you will cry for the times you were never able to experience with them. Tell your children, as they rest in peace, that you love them, that you will see them and hold them one day. That you miss them each and every day that passes and will never forget them. Do not blame yourself for this loss. It is not your fault and when the time comes and you birth a child, tell them of their siblings. Each year that passes the pain will subside but do not feel bad for stopping at any moment and shedding a tear for the children you have lost.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "If I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes along." ...You must do the thing you think you cannot do. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

"and if you are really wise--you will know enough to look around for love. It will be there, standing right on the hinge, holding it's arms to you. If you are wise, whoever you are, you will let go, fall against that love, and be held."

If I haven't said it lately, thank you for continuing to encourage us, support us and keep us in your prayers, without which I don't know where we would be. Please please please keep them coming. I promise, we always need them and appreciate them. I may not always know what to say, either, but know that we are so grateful for you-all of you. In so many ways, we are blessed.